I watched him with my head tilted sideways in pure awe and wonder. His eyes were closed, his head was nodding rhythmically, following the tempo. His hair was slick and wet with perspiration that I suddenly felt an urge to tangle my fingers among them. His red luscious lips were parted as he drew out ragged breaths in exhilaration.
And even though it seems as if there was nothing more fascinating than the sight of him in his full musical glory, I allowed my sight to travel far down from his face, only to be greeted by the feast of his bare torso, slick and wet with perspiration just like his face.
The whole picture was eye-gasmic; if ever there’s such a term.
He was sitting like a king on his throne - a drummer’s stool; in his right hand, his fingers were twirling his drumstick in between the pauses of his accolade. His hips were gyrating to the beat of the song to which he was playing a drum cover.
Aptly, the song was 2PM’s Heartbeat.
It was titillating, enthralling and captivating - errotic even. Does he even know what kind of effect he has on me? What about the people who might see him like this? I wonder if they’ll have the same reaction as me... Hmmmm...
I watched him loose himself between the loud bangs and clangs of the drum. His head was whipped from side to side as he was lost in the rhythm of the song. He didn’t even need to look at the percussion instruments he played before him because he knew them by heart.
A small smile tugged at my lips. Whenever there was music, he was in his element. And everything else was secondary - everything else never really did matter to him. That was the main reason why he left me in the first place - to pursue music.
At this thought, the smile on my lips turned into a bitter one.
God, I love this man...
I momentarily closed my eyes as I watched from a distance. I needed to remind myself that no matter how much I loved this man, I wasn’t anyone important to him. Just like everything else, I’m just secondary to his music.
Finally, the hype of the song slowly proceeded to its denouement. The drum beats slowed down until everything faded into silence. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled warmly.
“Was it good?” He asked.
I smelled a wee bit of liquor on his breath as he came closer.
“Perfect.” I answered as I pushed the stop button on the camcorder I was holding. “Now, all we have to do is to have it edited, and you’re good to go to upload it online.” I smiled and handed him the camcorder.
“Just like that, huh?”He asked and set the camcorder down on the nearby table.
“Yes. Just like that.” I replied and picked up my coat hanging from the back of the nearby chair. “Now, as much as I’d like to stay awhile, my work here as your camerawoman is done.” I purposely stated and turned my back on him.
‘A moment’s fascination with him is enough...’I thought to myself bitterly.
I was suddenly halted from walking away by two strong limbs which encircled themselves around me. Taken aback by his sudden boldness, I spied a half-empty bottle of brandy by the desk and vaguely smelled it on him.
“Don’t go...” I heard him say.
“You’re drunk, Min Woo... You better get yourself sober and rest. You still have a schedule to follow through tomorrow. Manager-sshi will not like it if you showed up drunk.” I tried to sound sensible but knew deep inside me that I was faking it.
This - the way his arms were encircled around me - it felt so damn right that it scares me.
“F*ck the schedule... I want to be with you...” He said and nuzzled his face at the back of my head. “Stay.” It sounded like a command to me and I knew deep in my heart that I really wanted to follow it and just allow myself to drown with him for one night.
But it was against my better judgment, and I knew him too much to know that he wouldn’t even remember it in the morning.
“I can’t.” I almost choked on the words as I felt a huge lump forming at the base of my throat.
Here he was - the love of my life - asking me to stay with him for the night, and yet I refuse. This was Noh Min Woo we’re talking about here, the very same man whose mere gaze makes the hearts of girls swoon in delight - just as he does with mine.
“Stay... Please...” He repeats again, this time a little more pleading as I felt his arms grow tighter around me.
I fumble for words to say, to mask out the hurt and painful struggle that I was feeling at the moment, and ended up saying, “Yah... Chugo re?” God, I sounded awful.
I heard him chuckle behind me, and slowly, I felt him withdrew both his hands. “Just as I thought...”He said with a bitter smile. “I will never be able to persuade you into anything... I’m just a musician after all.” He shrugged his shoulders with a helpless expression on his face.
“Ani...” I turned to look at him with a smile. “You’re Noh Min Woo, musician extraordinaire, have you forgotten?” I reminded him.
“And you? You are Park Hyo Sang, my number one fan.” He grinned sheepishly.
You know that one moment when you grasp for words to describe what you’re feeling but you’re so overwhelmed that you fail? Then you just smile... And that just describes everything.
“That’s right. I am, and I will always be your number one fan.” I repeated, this time in a confident and cheerful tone.
Even though I can’t be as important to him as his music, at least he knows that I exist and he recognizes me as if his number one fan. For me, that’s enough.
“So, idol-sshi, I will be going now. Don’t drink too much next time or else I will tell Manager-sshi...” I threatened. “See you!” I waved and turned my back on him to leave.
“Yah! Fan-aghasshi! Whoever made the rule that idols and fans can’t fall in love...” He paused.
I turned my heel around and faced him once again, waiting for what he was about to say. “Well?” I prodded, curious of where his next statement was going to lead.
He smiled sheepishly, “Well, whoever said that idols and fans can’t fall in love... probably hasn't met us yet...” He said with a boyish smile on his face.
I smiled back at him but held back a response. I threw him one final wave and turned my heel one last time to leave.
‘Us? Falling in love?’ I mused. I do believe that we’re way past that stage. It’s just that the circumstances just don’t spin in our favor yet. But in time, I believe it will be.
As a fan, I have the obligation to keep him safe from whatever scandal that might hurt him and his career. He just begun venturing into other areas aside from music, I can’t possibly do something to hurt his growing career. That would be utterly selfish of me if I did those.
Besides, even before Noh Min Woo became Trax’s Rose, even before he became Pasta’s Phillip, even before he became Gumiho’s Park Dong Joo and even before he became Boohwal, he was my childhood friend and first love. And that is that.
-FIN
