First off, I would like to apologize for dragging you all into a world solely existing inside my mind, and leaving you hanging for several months. For making you wait, for making you expect, for making you excited... only to disappoint you in the end...
I'm sorry.
There is no excuse for such behavior and I solely take the blame for my mistake.
I have been in a constant battle against myself these past few months, trying to discern just what exactly should I do with my story. There were moments when I was caught up in a block, but pressed on and posted an update for you, guys... Those moments made me breathe a sigh of relief, but I knew that I was slowly losing the will to continue.
Don't get me wrong. Before I start any story, I have already laid out the trail of twists that will follow. I have always been a planner. The planning and the twists to put in the story is not the problem.
The problem is the lack of motivation. The lack of will to continue. It is not something that readers can demand for. It is something intangible and intimate that exists between a story and the writer.
Every story that I have created is like a child of mine, since it is something that came out of my own hands. I tend to it with care, late-night brainstorming and endless hours of typing. The work simply does not end after I post the first chapter. In fact, the needs of these "children"of mine increase once they are released into the vast world of the web.
I have had the opportunity to mother several "children". And I do admit it is hard. After all, I lead a double life. An offline life, and an online life. It's especially exhausting when my off-line life gets hectic and I have to get away from my online life for long periods of time.
When I started these stories, I really wanted to finish them.
But along the way, things didn't work out, and I just have to let go.
I perfectly knew that if I continued to write these stories despite the lack of motivation, it wouldn't be something that "the best of me" created. It will not have my heart in it. It would be like updating for the sole satisfaction of the readers, but without me in it. It would be like raising a child without love.
And so, I decided to discontinue writing TCI and Ignominy.
Since these stories are children of mine, I do not have the heart to kill them and say good-bye. Rather, I'd want to say "See you later" to them. I am not merely proposing an indefinite hiatus from writing these stories, rather I want to shelf them up and open them for later - a time when I can look at them again and maybe have the strength to correct my mistakes and finally finish them.
To sum up, I would like to apologize for not finishing the stories I've started. I apologize for starting an adventure with you guys, and not being able to finish it up until the very end.
I take all the blame and I apologize.
Sincerely,
shatteredteardrops
hi dia! i hope you're feeling better today =)
ReplyDeletei have actually never read your stories (i know, that's not comforting to hear and i'm sorry) but knowing that you're filipino, too, makes me believe you are a fantastic writer. i am a (struggling) writer, as well. filipino, too. but i do not go by the pen name "ellyana." i'd like keep it a secret...i'm not famous anyway like you. hehe...
i do know exactly how you're feeling. i've been there. i guess, what lesson i can share is that do not be so hard on yourself. just like the rest of the human race, we all make mistakes. i'm sure when you were starting to write Crimson of Insigna and Ignominy, you have never thought that you were going to run out of ideas or would abandon them one day (not that you're going to actually abandon them). nobody would have had that predicted. not even you, the creator.
i know your stories mean a lot to you. i can sense through this post that you've worked a great deal of time and effort for them that i don't believe you are actually discontinuing them. just take a really, really good break from writing itself. don't ever think of finding ideas for your story or for another one. just go with the flow of your life minus the writing.
even if we love something, we need to take a complete break from it. maybe we need to figure out whether or not we can continue loving it. if at the end you discover how much you really love writing, as a whole, it will find a way to make things work out for you.
i hope this comment didn't in some form or manner offend you. please know that i only intend to help.
take care of yourself dia so you can continue reaching for your dreams =) have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. This really made my day. =)
ReplyDeleteAlthough, of course, I'm not as famous as you say I am. I'm still a struggling writer just like you.
I feel so much better to know that someone can relate to what I was going through.
Good luck to us both then. =) I hope that we don't have anymore stories to abandon in the future. =)
i think if not all, most writers all go through this phase. it's terrible, isn't it? at least, when you get over it, you become stronger and wiser and the next time it happens, you'll treat it as just a simple setback or trouble in your writing. if anything, this terrible phase will help you grow as a writer. =)
ReplyDeletei sincerely hope you're doing better now dia. =) again, don't be too hard on yourself, okay? we are the tough critics of our work, but we should also be the ones and the first to praise them. (i completely lacked that, took it's toll on me, so now i lost all my self-confidence in my works. it sucks, honestly).
and of course, praise yourself, too. or treat/pamper yourself after working hard on an update. you deserve it =)
until next time dia! =)
Wow... Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI do agree. It is terrible since you feel like you let down a lot of people, the readers especially. *sigh*
I'm trying to write new pieces again... Well, working on my on-going stories and posting up a one-shot is a start, right?
Ah, well, I'm an OCD when it comes to my own work. And yes, I do agree that we are the toughest critics of our own work. =) Just like what you said to me, I think you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Come on, cheer up! If it's your own work, you shouldn't put it down like that... After all, you put effort in it, right?
Look, if there's any way I can be of help, you know where I reside in this vast virtual world. =)
Good luck to you! Don't be too hard on yourself! Take care, Ellyana! =)