Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Yes, I've been MIA for a month

... and with an acceptable reason.

I've been pretty open about how law school affected my life since I nose-dived into it without much preparation or warning. (Well, I've been warned, but I didn't think it would be too difficult. I was wrong.)

The epic failure of my grades, my barely-existent social life reduced further to mere miniscule shambles, my stressed-out appearance, my dwindling eyesight (I'm near-sighted and it's getting worse.), and my constantly saturated brain were the results of my first semester in law school.

It's not fun. It's challenging definitely, but not fun.

We're constantly bombarded with essay questions which seem more like trick questions, rather than an essay ones. MCQs are hecka confusing, and the teachers, well, some of them are exactly the devil personified.

And so, I am left confused and torn yet again.

During my first week of law school, the Dean of our College told us that being in law school required a lot of sacrifices - some small, some big - all of them essential in order to survive law school.

She said that, "Law School is a jealous mistress...". Most of the working-students were discouraged from employment if it's possible for them to study without any distraction. And this advice came with good reason: law school really is tough.

And this topic, I would like to relate with the promise I made a month ago: I promised not to abandon writing my SoEul fanfiction entitled "Keeping the Casanova". In fact, I even promised not to quit writing fanfics.

I haven't posted an update for a month already, and this has been a constant source of heartbreak. I feel that as a writer, I've failed in the most basic task of posting new chapters for my readers.

And I don't even have much time to write because most of my time is spent on reading, studying and memorizing. What's left of it, I use to rest and help out with the chores at home. (I'm the eldest daughter. Imagine the responsibility.)

As of the moment, I am in deep contemplation. (Not to mention, confused as hell.)

I have been writing for eight years now - admittedly, that is not such a short time and something that is not easy to give up.

I don't want to give up writing fanfics.
I don't want to give up writing Keeping the Casanova.
I don't want to give-up SoEul.
I don't want to give up being shattered teardrops.

...but it's as if I'm driven to the edge and forcefully pushed to choose between two things I highly value.

School or Writing?

The decision is heartbreaking. =(



regards,
shatteredteardrops

1 comment:

  1. Hold on there. I hope you don't give up what you love doing. Just try to think of a way how you could manage your time. =)

    ReplyDelete