Terrible Matters

As of the moment, I have no update both for Ignominy and The Crimson Insignia. I got caught up with lots of heavy things as of recent. I haven't got enough time to put touch ups on TCI's supposed to be 16th chapter. I have not furnished it or even edited it. As for Ignominy, I'm loosing hope. *sigh* But I'll try to binge-write during my semestral break that's almost coming up so hopefully, some sort of inspiration will shake me up then. hehe

These last few weeks have been really difficult to deal with. Firstly, there's the onslaught of typhoons left and right here in the Philippines. They've caused floods, landslides and massive deaths in some parts of the country. Although, fortunately, me and my family are safe, still, it's upsetting when you turn on the television and see a lot of people dying and losing loved ones.

So please help me pray for all those families and people affected by this calamity. It's really heart-wrenching.

Another terrible thing for me is school because my exams are coming up next week and I haven't started studying yet. These past few weeks proved to be soooo challenging because of debates we had to do, projects and presentations, papers and all that stuff.

But the icing on my cake when it comes to TERRIBLE MATTERS is... Well, this is something really personal but I decided to share it anyway. My special someone of one year, eight months and three days, and I, decided to call it quits. It's frustrating, it's heartbreaking, it's emotionally exhausting. It's especially hard for me because he's my first boyfriend and I love him so much...

Have you ever felt like... waking up in the morning and feeling so empty? Like you've tried thinking positively about things but then again, something's just not right anymore. And even if you try to smile, deep inside you know that you're just faking it for the people around you...

I'm not looking for any words of sympathy by posting something like this here. I just want to vent out things a little. And I want you guys to understand why my writing has been greatly affected by this emotionally troubling thing.

Everytime I try to look at a blank Microsoft Document page and try to type, my thoughts just stray back to him and I end up being frustrated because I want to write for my stories but I can't. I end up thinking about him and... You know, I just really want to let out all of that frustration and heartbreak.

He was my first boyfriend and with him, I had my first relationship. I wanted us to last forever but we didn't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wallowing in self-pity. I'm just sad, terribly sad...

And this is probably the main reason why my brain is not up to thinking of ideas lately.

I'm really sorry, guys. Last week, I promised an update for The Crimson Insignia this weekend but I couldn't make it. It's also quite ironic because I wrote The Crimson Insignia with him in mind. He was one of the inspirations for the story and I even got the concept of having big super bikes from him because he taught me how to ride one. I was going to let him read TCI when I finish it... But now, I don't think I can... =(

Although I talk about love and happiness in my stories, in the end, I'm no expert at love. I'm just like everybody else... I hurt, I bleed and I fall for a hot playboy sort of guy who changed his playboy ways for me and became one of the most, if not the most important person of my life...


=(


regards,
shattered teardrops